People managers
How much should a leader show they care without becoming their team’s therapist?
Care is one of the Five Cs for a reason — it’s fundamental to engagement. But the question is the right one to ask. The version of Care that works is genuine investment in people’s professional development and wellbeing. The version that doesn’t work is a leader who becomes so focused on the emotional lives of their team that they lose the ability to hold people to account, make hard calls, or give honest feedback.
Framework: Brian Hartzer’s Leadership Star · Practices: Care, Clarity
Care and high standards are not opposites
The clearest way I know to describe what works: separate the personal conversation from the business decision. You can care deeply about someone as a person — want them to succeed, invest in their development, support them through a hard period — while still being honest that their performance needs to improve or that the role isn’t working. The two conversations can coexist without contaminating each other.
Listen to understand, not to fix
When someone comes to you with something personal or difficult, the instinct is often to find a solution. Usually that’s not what they need. They need to feel heard. Ask a question. Listen to the answer. Often that’s enough. When it’s clear they need something beyond what a manager can provide — professional support, a different kind of help — say so directly and point them toward it.
Know the limits of your role
You’re a manager, not a therapist. There’s a meaningful difference. You can be a caring, attentive presence without taking on responsibility for people’s emotional health. When the conversation starts to go to places you’re not equipped to support — serious mental health challenges, significant personal crisis — the caring thing to do is acknowledge it honestly and connect them with better-equipped support. That’s not cold. It’s honest, and it’s usually more useful.
Where judgment matters
The line is genuinely difficult in practice. Someone going through a hard time personally may need more patience, flexibility, or direct support than usual. For a period. The problem arises when “going through a hard time” becomes a permanent condition that insulates someone from feedback or accountability. Genuine care means having the honest conversation, not avoiding it.
Is there someone on your team whose personal situation you’re accommodating in ways that are actually preventing you from giving them the feedback they need?
Start with the book
The Leadership Star sets out all five practices in full, with the reasoning behind each one.